Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
