The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
