Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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