I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
