Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
