Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
