'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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