I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
