whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
