Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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