so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
