he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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