So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
