i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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