i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
