and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
