I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think my mom watched the whole time
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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