Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
