Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
one might say we're banned from that church
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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