At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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