I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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