break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
