he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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