So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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