i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
