I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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