I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
