if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
