she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
