i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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