blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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