I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
