I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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