just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
