they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
