I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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