so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
