I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
