When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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