Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
