I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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