I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
