quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
