she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
