i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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