i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
