Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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