Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
