Banned from zoo.
Again?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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