hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
